Super Smash Resolutions
by Pikfan
Summary: A year into the making. What started as a crack fic made on New Years Day of 2010 has continued throughout til New Years Eve of 2010. Ch. 2 reveals how each character done their resolution, from happening moments to those made up. R/R and Happy New Year!
1. The Resolutions

Super Smash Resolutions

Happy New Year! What better way of celebrating than to make up resolutions for the Smashers in a crack fic? Enjoy.

* * *

Mario: I-a swear that I'll drop those 20 pounds I keep geeting back! Just one more triple chocolate cheesecake for the road.

Luigi: I'm-a try and not get left in the dust and behind Mario's shadow.

Peach: I'll keep my affair a secret from Mario.

Mario: Your WHAAAT?! From who?!

Peach: (Sigh)...Luigi.

Luigi: Yay! My resolution is-a already working!

Bowser: I'll burn all those who made me a wimp by having those MeXPeach fics. One is too much!

Daisy: Heh. You're not gonna burn EVERYONE. It's just too much.

Mario, Luigi, Peach, and Bowser: ...YOU'RE NOT IN THIS SERIES!!!

Daisy: (Sigh). So much for my resolution.

Donkey Kong: My resolution is to steal Diddy's bananas...more so.

Diddy Kong: My resolution is to find the thief who keeps taking my bananas and sling poop on his face til next year!

Donkey Kong: Diddy! I see him! He went that way!

Diddy Kong: Come back here, banana thief!!

Donkey Kong: (Carrying a big bag) Hehe...sucker.

Yoshi: My resolution is to keep Mario (glaring at him) from riding me.

Mario: It's not me. It's Bowser. He's in a worse mood than usual, and he needs to ride something.

Yoshi: ... My new resolution is to get a chiropractor! (Gulps)

Wario: My resolution is to be-a better and-a richer than ever...but even-a Wario finds that impossible.

Waluigi: Yeah, cause that'll never happen. Kind of like my resolution of being in the Wario Ware games.

Wario: Aww, quit your whinning!

Link: My resolution is to keep Zelda away from Ganon...and to slay the CD-i creators.

Zelda: Really? That's my resolution! To keep me away from Ganon and to slay the CD-i creators.

Ganondorf: Well, I guess my resolution is to break yours! (Takes Zelda and leaves).

Link: Damnit! Well, there's still the CD-i resolution.

Toon Link: Well, my resolution is to be just like Link in the future.

Link: ...Think about it for second**, younger me.**

Samus: My resolution is to get of those porn pics of me in my zero suit in deviantArt.

Ridley: That's impossible. More will come before you think you're done.

Samus: Fine, I'll get rid of those pairing with every swordsman Smasher fics.

Ridley: Again, not possible.

Samus: You know what? I'm just gonna blow up a galaxy then!

Ridley: Now that's something achievable.

Pit: My resolution is to announce that because I'm an angel, doesn't make me gay! If that don't get into people's heads, then my resolution will be having another game so my fans will stop complaining!

Toon Link: What fans? Your resolution is to not spam so much.

Pit: Look who's talking!

Popo: My resolution is to get away from my sister for at least a second of my life.

Nana: And my resolution is to get closer to my bro-bro each time.

Popo: NANA!! What are you doing here?! I'm using the bathroom now!

Nana: Teehee. So am I.

Popo: Whuaa...

Master Hand: We here in Smashville will like to notify that there was no actions of incest involved, nor do we support it.

R.O.B: My resolution is to become a human celebrity.

Luigi: You do not want that.

R.O.B: Why not? I'll be more respected than everyone here.

Luigi: Let me tell you a story from Mario called 'Paparazii...'

(One story later)

R.O.B: Umm...never mind my resolution. I'll be over there playing with Katamari's RoboKing.

Kirby: My resolution is to not inhale people, but their clothes...particularly the ladies.

Peach, Zelda, and Samus: YOU PERVERT!! (Starts wailing on him, anime style).

Meta Knight: Such insolence. My resolution is to redeem myself by destroying this site and fanfictions.

King Dedede: Hey, Meta Spam! At least you have popular fanfics. Name one, I say, one fanfic about me in this section!

Meta Knight: ...Umm...I'm pretty sure Yoshizilla has written some about you.

King Dedede: But it's always with that fat, bushy mustachioed buffoon!

Mario: Don't talk about your mother like that!

Master Hand: Can we please get this resolutions thing over with before we get sued?

King Dedede: Well, fanfics aren't my resolution. What is my resolution is to destroy 4-kids for giving me a hillbilly voice...what were they thinking?!

Olimar: My resolution is to pluck more than 6 Pikmin at a time. Apparently, I can't do that because some douche in purple killed them all!

Fox: My resolution is to buy a gun that actually hurts people, yet has the speed of mine.

Falco: Well, there's a store called 'Guns 'R Us.' I think they have those.

Fox: Quit your smart mouthin, Falco!

(Immediatly, at the Guns 'R Us store)

Fox: Excuse me, sir, but do you have a gun that hurts?

Falco: My resolution is to not be known as the jerk from Star Fox. That's maybe the only reason why I'm in this game instead of Old as Hell Peppy, Annoying as Hell Krystal, and Dumb as Hell Slippy.

Slippy: You're doing terrible at your resolution!

Wolf: My resolution is to RULE OVER THE TRI-STATE AREA!! Bwahahaha...oh, and defeat Star Fox.

Leon: ...That's it. No more Phineas and Ferb for you.

Wolf: But it's the only good thing on Disney now!

Captain Falcon: My goal is for my Falcon Punch to destroy a whole entire galaxy!

Samus: That already happened.

Captain Falcon: ...It did?

Pikachu: My resolution is for the T.V. series to end. I bet people are watching the new show is to see if there will be more upskirts with 10 year old Dawn.

Jigglypuff: That's disturbing, Pikachu.

Pokemon Trainer: My resolution is to become a Pokemon Master!

Squirtille: Aww, screw you, man! We Pokemon suffer ourselves by fighting one another for pleasure, and you humans take the credit!

Ivysaur: And us fighting these Smashers isn't the way for stupid dream to come true.

Charizard: My resolution is to beat the snot out of this kid, and I'm sure you two are with me! (he, Squirtlle, and Ivysaur beating up the Pokemon Trainer.)

Lucario: My destiny is to become the strongest Pokemon ever.

Mewtwo: Puh-lease. I find it ironic that you can make balls appear, and you don't have that between your legs.

Lucario: Why would you look there, you perv!

Jigglypuff: My resolution is to have the guts to tell Kirby that I love him. We're nearly the same, so I don't see what's stopping us.

Pikachu: JigglyXKnight fics.

Meta Knight: This is what I'm talking about redeeming myself!

Marth: 私の決断は英語で話すことである。 Ikeはそうなぜcan'それをすることができる; t Iか。 また、スラッシュのpairings無しのために。 私はI' girly見るかもしれない; mない、良くか。

Ike: ...I have no idea what you've just said.

Marth: (Sigh) 決して…愚かなSmashersを気にしてはいけない

Ike: Well, my resolution is to fight for my friends.

Link: What friends?

Ike: Shut up.

Ness: My resolution is to be more known. I bet no one knew who I was in the firsh Smash Bros. game...now on Wii Shop Channel.

Lucas: I still don't know who you are.

Ness: ...I'm sorry, but who are you?

Lucas: Anyway, my wish is to have Ness's courage and bravery.

Ness: Who the heck are you?

Mr. Game and Watch: My resolution is to be 3-D like everyone else.

Mario: Seriously, who thought of-a having this thing as a Smasher?

Sonic: That hurts, Mario. That really hurts.

Mario: I was-a talking about Mr. Game and Watch, stupid.

Snake: My resolution is to beat Meta Knight on the Tier List.

Meta Knight: Why me.

Ganondorf: DAMNIT, SNAKE! I was hoping no one would mention that God forsaken list!!

Mario: Besides, Snake, Tiers are-a for Queers.

Snake: I was hoping you didn't say that.

Sonic: Well, my resolution is to not judge people by their speed.

Bowser: Hey, Sonic. Have you seen Yoshi?

Sonic: UR TOO SLOOOOOW!!! (Dashes off)...DAMNIT!!

Pichu: My resolution is to become a Smasher again.

Pikachu: Wait til you evolve, then ring-a-ding-ding, you're a Smasher.

Pichu: Umm...cool?

Roy: You're not the only one, Pichu. Ike and Lucario took our spots.

Mewtwo: And he doesn't have any balls!

Lucario: STOP SAYING THAT!!

Sonic: Well, that resolution didn't go well at all. So my new resolution is to have a better Sonic game. And I'm leaving that up to Sega.

Mario: That'll be less likely than a bad Nintendo-made Mario game.

Sonic: Well uhh...UR TOO SLOOOOOW!!! (Dashes off)...DAMN THIS RESOLUTION!!

Master Hand: Well, those are the Smashers resolutions. And I'm pretty sure that like Daisy, people want characters in this game as well (glances at MegaMan...somehow). And aside from all the drama, the Smashers are keeping their words...or will they? Tune in at 12/31/10 to find out their results, and then 1/1/11 for new resolutions. Until then, from all of us...

Everyone: HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Master Hand: Oh and uh, Yoshizilla, if you're reading this we hope you don't mind using your name.


	2. The Resolution's Resolution

Super Smash Resolutions: The…uhhh…Resolution

A/N: Hey there, everyone (who actually reads this story). A year ago, I made chapter 1 of this fanfic, making up resolutions for the Smashers to go through all year. At the end of the chapter, I included that I'll have results of each resolution by the end of 2010 (uploaded on 12/31/10). As I recall, my resolution was to update more on my fanfiction instead of video gaming. Obviously that bombed since I only updated 6 times in 2010 (7 with this one). But enough about me; let's see how the Smashers fair.

Read the first chapter if you want to check back on the resolutions.

* * *

"Alright, Mario," Luigi started. "Let's-a say that you failed your resolution and go to mine, okay?"

"NO! I swear to you that I have not eaten a single slice of cake, and it's-a been torturing me since, so I'm doing this thing!" Mario yelled as he climbed up to the scale.

However, Mario was completely shocked when he saw that he weighs much more than last year (how much he weighs then and now is your guess).

"Wha-wha-WHAT?" Mario cried. "No! It can't be! I've though a lot of adventures and I haven't eaten one chocolate cake! I've should've lose-a something on my way!" he continued.

"That is-a very strange unless…um Mario? How many 1-ups did you eat every time you start Super Mario Galaxy 2?"

"Umm…25?" Mario nervously answered.

"That's-a why you've failed your resolution. You have to cut down the shrooms to actually lose weight," Luigi advised.

"That doesn't make any sense! I shouldn't have to risk my life just for that. Well sense you're being so comfortable, let's see how your popularity increased."

"Well, just to let you know, I've-a been going on adventures like yours to save-a Princess Daisy, so I should get the respect I've deserved."

Suddenly, Toad walks by and said, "Hello Mario. Why are you still hanging around that faker?"

"F-f-faker? How am I fake? I'm-a his brother! I shouldn't be tossed of like-a pizza dough!" Luigi cried.

"Very impressive results, Luigi. You've-a failed worse than I have," Mario said before leaving.

* * *

"Well, we already saw that Peach had already failed her resolution." Master Hand sighed. "And it seemed lost when Luigi was saving Daisy…which does NOT have a chance of being in this game.

"Hehe. You may think that, MH," Daisy started. "But by hacking Peach, I could totally be in this game, and you can't stop me."

"So can I, with the same method," Rosalina added.

"(Sigh), why does everyone want to get rid of me so early," Peach asked depressingly.

"Don't worry, Peach. I'll take care of you," Bowser said.

"T-thank you, Bowser. I never thought you'd care for me. I'd never thought that I'd care for you…" Peach said.

"Maybe we could know each other a little better," he said as he and Peach started move closer to each other.

Suddenly, a bubble pops and Bowser is screaming from his bed after a dream, which was the event above. He finally stops screaming to catch his breath.

"What's wrong, Bowser?" asked a concerned voice.

"(Whew) I had a terrible dream where I was stuck in a BowserXPeach fic…wait a minute…who said that?" Bowser asked himself before turning around.

"What's wrong with a BowserXPeach fic?" the voice next to him asked, which turned out to be Peach.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! THIS IS NOT HOW I WANT PEACH!" Bowser shouted.

* * *

"We were about to transition to the jungle before I was so rudely interrupted. It seems that Diddy Kong may have completed his resolution on time." Master Hand noted.

"Damn you, Donkey Kong!" Diddy Kong screamed in rage. "Stop lying to me. I know that YOU'RE the one taking my bananas!"

"I swear, I'm not the one taking your bananas!" Donkey Kong cried.

"Do you think I'm that stupid? Who's taking my bananas if you aren't?"

"I'm not sure, but I do see a few animals carrying bananas through the window," Donkey Kong answered.

"Say what?" Diddy Kong said as he glanced at the window to see an elephant and a giraffe carrying bananas. He then left to check the bottom of the tree. "Those are my bananas! Get back here you fat hogs!" he yelled running after them.

Donkey Kong looks through the window again for a moment. Suddenly, a flying tiki painted in red and blue flew into the window.

"He actually fell for that. I'd never though he was that desperate for his bananas," Donkey Kong said once Diddy was gone.

"Am I good or what? Hypnotism isn't easy you know," the tiki bragged. "All I have to do is to trap him in a barrel and that's all right?"

"Yeah, and bring the bananas back. We should use those to celebrate another year of stealing Diddy's bananas without being caught," Donkey Kong proposed as they laughed.

They kept laughing until they say Dixie Kong by the doorway.

"…I'm telling," she said.

"Okay fine, you could be in the next Donkey Kong Country," Donkey Kong sighed.

* * *

"As much as I have been ridden on in Super Mario Galaxy 2, it doesn't hurt as it does on previous adventures. As a matter of fact, if kind of sooths my back…it's kind of like a massage. So I may have failed my first resolution, but I've got my second resolution done," Yoshi explained.

"…Wait, so no long wrap up of your resolution? What you've said clears everything up? Finally, a quick resolution," MH said.

* * *

"Way to go, you big nosed creep!" Wario started. "I let you in one of my mircogames, and…"

"Let me guess. He ruined your microgame fame and you're both reduced to nothing?" Snake asked.

"Even worse! His microgame became more popular than all of my microgames combined, and now he's richer than-a me! That's-a why I don't allow him near my microgames!" Wario yelled.

"Wah-ha-ha! Waluigi's number one!" he taunted.

* * *

"My resolution of protecting Zelda has failed, but I've already made another resolution to save her and defeat Ganondorf, breaking his resolution," Link vowed.

"Hmph. And how are you suppose to do that?" Ganondorf asked meneceling.

"You just have to wait until Skyward Sword comes out! Nyah!" Link mocked.

"Yes! I made Link turn into a cat in the future! Take that, Twilight Princess!" Toon Link cheered.

"You got it all wrong, Toon Link. You're supposed to be like him in the future, not the other way around. That's what you said in your resolution, remember?" Zelda asked.

"You're just scared because you don't want a cat as your boyfriend," he replied.

"THAT'S BECAUSE I'M NOT A FURRY!" Zelda shreiked.

* * *

"Looking back, Samus's official resolution was to blow up a galaxy. Unfortunatly, the author hasn't played Metroid: Other M and really isn't planning to, so he doesn't know if she'd achieve that," MH said

"…That mother fu…

"Calm down, Samus. There's many video that'll spoil the ending. Maybe your resolution might be in one of them." Ridley said.

"I know that you should be dead by now," Samus said.

* * *

"As Samus's resolution was unknown, Pit's resolution, however, was groundbreaking news as it was announced that he'll finally have a new game for the new 3DS system possibly as a launch title!" MH announced.

"I know it's not in my nature, Toon Link, but. I TOLD YOU SO! HELL YEAH! SCORE ONE FOR PALUTENA, SUCKA!" Pit taunted as he did a bunch of flips and tricks.

* * *

"Whew! I've finally lost her. She really gets clingy, but I finally lost her. Maybe now I can finally rest," Popo said as he was about to sleep.

"Before you do go to sleep, do you mind telling us how you lost her?" Kirby asked.

"I tricked her off a cliff. It was her fault her running toward me while I was on the ledge. I'm sure she's fine…why did _you_ask?" Popo wondered.

"Well, I did see Nana a few moments ago, and let's just say I've been working on my resolution," Kirby said.

Before Popo could say something, he then sees Nana in pink fur underwear.

"Hey, Popo. What do you think?" She asked while posing.

"Dammit Kirby," Popo sighed.

*We still don't support incest.*

* * *

"Well, R.O.B. has cancelled his resolution due to Luigi's story and Kirby's resolution was already proven with the Ice Climbers. So let's see how Meta Knight is doing," MH said.

"It's just too much!" Meta Knight cried. "No matter how much I spam, I can't stop being popular, and therefore, being ridicule for being popular…I'm like the Justin Bieber of Brawl!"

"Nah, I expect you to be more like the Fred of Brawl; extremely annoying and popular/hated for that reason," King Dedede noted. "But enough about Meta Knight, I couldn't do my resolution because I remember Robotnik destroying the 4-Kids headquarter back in 2008!" he angrily noted.

"Don't worry, Dedede. There's still 'ToonZai,'" Meta Knight warned.

"…I think I have my 2011 resolution," he said with an evil smile.

* * *

"That stupid robot and purple spandex man has forever ruined my resolution. I shall have my revenge," Olimar sighed.

"Count us out!" a red Pikmin said. "There's no way I'm risking a Falcon Punch for you. Let's go guys," he said as he summons the other five Pikmin and leaves Olimar.

"…Well this is perfect. Now I got none."

* * *

"There was so many amazing guns at the store that I couldn't choose one to keep…so I chose none and stuck with my old gun," Fox said.

"Fox, that's got to be the stu…er, smartest idea you've ever came up with," Falco said while holding a grudge.

"At least you've done your resolution," Fox said.

"I don't care what I said about my rep. before. I'm never being nice to a bunch of _idiots_again. That was the worst year of my life," Falco complained.

"Uhh, Falco…it's still December 31st…"

"DAMMIT TO HELL!"

"Speaking of failing resolutions, I haven't seen Wolf all year."

"Hush, Fox! I'm watching the Phineas and Ferb Christmas special, if you mind," Wolf said.

"Wolf…what happened to you?" Leon wondered.

* * *

"I assume we could skip Captain Falcon's resolution since he had already accomplished his goal," MH said.

"But I want you to see me as 'Max Onslaught,' my true (hacked) form that's power equals to Chuck Norris!" Captain Falcon whined.

"As I was saying, we could now go into the Pokemon's resolution," MH continued.

"Sheesh. As Diamond and Pearl ends, Best Wishes begins, most likely being about Ash trying to be a Pokemon Master…AGAIN!" Pikachu yelled. "Well, at least the female companion has some clothes on."

"Please don't tell me that was your main concern," Jigglypuff sighed.

"I swear if Ash's Pokemon has a brain, they'll know better not to take abuse from him again," Charizard said.

"It seems that my destiny has failed," Lucario sighed. "There are many legendary Pokemon who can just One-Hit KO someone easily, and yet I can't even do that when I'm severely hurt."

"That's because you suck. Even I have a move that could KO easily," Mewtwo bragged.

"No one asked you!" Lucario replied.

"I actually did tell Kirby my feelings…but he thought I was giving that message to Meta Knight and Kirby told him that message! I still like him, but how can anyone be that stupid?" Jigglypuff asked.

"Maybe he's just shy," Pikachu replied.

* * *

"Well, I try to use English with this stupid smile when people tell me. Am I doing it right?" Marth tried to say.

"Wow, Marth. The Pokemon and the monkeys can speak better English than you. Google translation really doesn't work" Ike said.

"Screws, Ike! Resolution at least I did! You also do not have it all your friends, mistake! Nyah!" Marth yelled.

"As for my resolution, I asked Marth to be my friend, and he has insisted so greatly that I couldn't resist," Ike said in a heroic tone. "Ever since then, I've protected him day and night, as I fight for my friends."

"それは決して起こった！それなしにはなかった！" Marth yelled in Japanese.

"You're welcome," Ike said.

* * *

"I just don't get it!" Ness yelled. "Why won't they let Earthbound on the Virtual Console? It could be the only way for me to be known, and Nintendo won't release it! What did I do wrong?"

"Well, maybe it's because of the many pop-culture references that were placed in the game, along with it being unpopular compared to the other Nintendo franchises, that being the reason why Mother 3 isn't released in America," Lucas answered.

"Are…are you Jeff?" Ness asked.

"No, Ness, I am Lucas."

"Oh, hello there, Lucas. What game series are you in?" Ness asked. Lucas only groans in response.

* * *

"My calculations has come to conclude that my success of transferring myself into the third dimension won't likely contain positive effects, even if I somehow become three dimensional," Mr. Game and Watch said.

"Enough with the big words. You're giving Marth a big headache," Ike replied as Marth gave him and angry glare.

"Pardon my exceeding vocabulary, but I've been studying a possible way to achieve my resolution…it appears that I may have gone overboard," he said.

* * *

"Well, it seems that my resolution has failed. What's worse is that Meta Knight literally has his own S-spot in the tier list. Is that really necessary, SmashBoard?" Snake asked.

"It's not my fault that I have so many moves people spam," Meta Knight noted.

"At least I'm not banned in Italy," Snake thought out loud.

"That was only a stupid rumor! If I could trade spots with you, or even Ganondorf, I wouldn't hesitate!" he promised.

"If anyone mentions that God-forsaken list one more time, everyone is dead!" Zelda shouted.

"…What's with her?" Snake asked.

"She dropped down nine spots in the tier list on the 4th tier list revision, and now she's second to last on the current list, even to the point of being banned…with you and Meta Knight," Link replied.

"I-a told you; Tiers are for Queers," Mario added.

Everyone left Snake and Meta Knight as they take in Link's information.

"He's right; the tier list is lame," Snake added.

* * *

"Well, we came and saw every Smasher's resolutions; some have achieved their mission, and others have failed. However we all came to an agreement this last resolution deserves the most recognition, for he has accomplish to get not one, but TWO good games out this year, and a well received racing game earlier in 2010, along with a little puberty, all of which redeemed his reputation. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the MVP, Sonic the Hedgehog!" MH announced.

After that, Sonic has appeared and took a microphone.

"Even I couldn't have believed it myself. I'd almost lost faith in Sonic 4 and Sonic Colors. However, Sega knew what they were doing with those games and looked how they turned out. This was the best year I had since…heck, 10 years ago, and it wouldn't be possible without hospitality from the Nintendo crew. As a matter of fact, Sonic Free Riders almost ruined that redemption Sega made, and it's most likely because they didn't care for X-Box 360 as they do for Nintendo. So here's to everyone for another great year!" Sonic said as the whole crowd cheered for him.

"Hold it right there!" yelled out a 'Sonic Fanboy.' "Those games suck because Sonic takes too long to run and he has green eyes! Your games will never be as good as the Genesis games!" he whined.

"Well here's some advice: get out of your mother's basement and try the games mentioned, because right now…YOU'RE TOO SLOOOOOOW!" Sonic taunted before throwing a Bob-omb at him.

* * *

"Whew. What a heck of a year that turned out to be. Now we've gone through every resolution besides the dropouts because they're boring. What was stated below the previous chapter about new resolutions is cancelled, because this is enough resolution a glove can take, let alone a typist. So go on out and celebrate the coming of 2011 and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR!" MH declared.

"And also, happy 20th birthday to Sonic and 30th birthday to Mario."


End file.
